Mars Announces New All-Female M&M Packs

 

Mars recently announced the release of its first-ever packs of all-female M&M's. The candy company says the packages "celebrate women everywhere who are flipping the status quo." (And flicking the bean.) The new endeavor is specifically in celebration of lesbians and overweight women. (“Fat positivity!”)

 

Gabrielle Wesley, Chief Marketing Officer for Mars Wrigley North America, stated: "The M&M's brand is on a mission to use the power of fun to create purposeful connections, as we work to create a world where everyone feels they belong. Women all over the world are flipping how they define success and happiness while challenging the status quo, so we're thrilled to be able to recognize and celebrate them – and who better to help us on that mission than our own powerhouse spokes-candies Green, Brown and Purple?" Quite.

 

Mars has even encouraged the public to nominate women who are in some way "flipping the status quo" for the chance to be featured on M&M's platforms and receive $10,000 grants to further fund their progressive performance art.

 

The historically woke M&M's packs will be released starting in January, several weeks ahead of International Women's Day in March. 

When will we see a M&M dedicated to “trans positivity?” (Would a man-to-woman or woman-to-man transition be more celebrated?) And who wouldn’t welcome a pansexual M&M? What color would these diminutive confections be? Could the former be one color before one grasps it and another after? And the latter somehow be every color at once? How cool would that be?

And what of other candies in this race to wokeness? “Mr. Goodbar” will have to be renamed for obvious reasons. “Oh Henry!” Will as well. The former could simply be rebranded as “Ms. Goodbar” or perhaps “They Goodbar.” The latter could henceforth be called “Oh, Henrietta!”

“Mike & Ike” might be okay. “Baby Ruth” could be problematic. “Black Cow” could be seen as either a tribute to overweight Black women or as an intolerable slur that must be renamed with all due haste. And the unimaginatively named “Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bar” could be renamed to please the LGBTQ community. “Hershey Highway Bar” it is!

Now that would be “woke!” And cheeky! And delicious!