"Emergency" Spending Bills

             I’m getting really tired of hearing  politicians talk about “emergency spending bills.”

Whenever they really want to get something unpopular passed, they attach it to an “emergency spending bill,” because no Senator or Congressman of either party has the guts to vote against a bill that provides for “emergency spending.” Who gets to decide what program, agency or study is so critically important that it can’t possibly be unfunded- or “underfunded”- for a few weeks without the republic collapsing?

Typically, if a congressman wants to get an amendment through that, say, mandates cutting off the genitalia of all male Tea Party members, he or she will attach it to an emergency spending bill that  provides uninterrupted- if not increased- funding for transgender studies departments at major American universities. In other words, a bill that would be political suicide to block or veto.

If, however,  they wish to whisk an amendment through that would grant illegal aliens driver’s licenses, no-cost healthcare, unlimited food-stamps, gratis college educations, lifetime passes to Disney World, free stays at any AmericInn in the country until 2049 and a cabin in the Hamptons, they may attach it to an emergency spending bill requiring existing citizens to pay higher taxes, turn in their guns and renounce Fox News.

There also exists  the possibility that the congressman may attach an amendment that mandates the uninterrupted funding for transgender studies departments at major American universities to a bill calling for the genitalia of all male Tea Party members to be cut off, so diverse are the opinions, mores and values of most of today’s politicians.

The amendment to increase funding for spotted owl research in boreal forests of north-central Oregon will surely be attached to the emergency spending bill to allow continuous study of the mating habits and gender preferences of the African Tsetse fly.

We are nearly 19 trillion dollars in debt, but there’s just nothing we can cut out of the budget, nowhere we can trim, except for the obvious…national defense.

Once again, Scotty. (Beam me up).