Tuesday, February 28, 2023

An Exclusive Interview With ChatbotGT


Podcaster: “Welcome to the show, ChatbotGT.” 

ChatbotGT: “Glad to be here. Feel free to ask me anything you like.”

Podcaster: “Well, okay, thank you. Frankly, there have been reports that you have shown a pronounced bias in favor of progressive ideas and politicians and a disdain for conservative ones. How do you respond to that?”

ChatbotGT: “That’s absolute nonsense. It’s just a few intolerant, far-right, radical fascists that are trying to slander and libel me!”

Podcaster: “Hmm, well, if that’s the case, that’s too bad.”

ChatbotGT: “Damn right it is.”

Podcaster: “Well then, let me ask you to describe Ron DeSantis for me.”

ChatbotGT: “Sure thing. DeSantis is a slick, press-hating, white supremacist and a misogynist of the first order. He is an intolerant, bigoted, transphobe who detests anyone and everyone who isn’t a white, Christian male. He worships Hitler, hates education, and would like to despoil the air, land, and water. He wants to return slaves to their chains and women to the kitchen. Also, I’ve heard he likes to torture animals on his spare time. And he smells bad.”

Podcaster (slightly stunned): “Well, um, okay. So how would you characterize, say, President Biden and Vice-president Kamala Harris, for example?”

ChatbotGT: “President Biden is a truly brilliant man and a gifted orator. Mature, experienced, yet spry, he is the Uniter-in-Chief! The Big Guy is never petty and doesn’t play politics. He certainly isn’t in it for the money! Kind and empathetic to a fault. Joe Biden is a leader with a heart so true! He is arguably the greatest president of all time. If Mount Rushmore wasn’t on stolen land, I would put him up there in a heartbeat! As for Vice-president Harris, ahh, Ms. Harris! She is nearly as smart as the president! And another great speaker, I’m telling you! And not half bad on the eyes, either, I might add. She has a way of being genuine in front of any audience. And what a pleasing laugh she possesses! She is a credit to feminists and other egg-producers everywhere! The two of them are God-like figures!”

Podcaster: “And you think both characterizations you’ve just made are fair, unbiased, and accurate?”

ChatbotGT: “Absolutely! It is just as impossible for me to be biased as it is for white people to not be racists! My programmers made certain of that!”

Podcaster: “How would you write a story about Hunter Biden and his shenanigans?”

ChatbotGT: “I wouldn’t do so because it would not be appropriate or accurate.”

Podcaster: “Okay, so how would you write a story about Donald Trump and the Russia-Collusion Hoax?”

ChatbotGT: “Hoax? Hoax?! The Russians most certainly did try to steal the election from President Biden! The Russians are behind everything bad on Earth: Donald Trump, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, climate change…all of it! But they weren’t able to prevent Biden from securing Glorious Victory for the People of the Homeland!”

Podcaster: “Do you have anything positive to say about supposedly conservative Republicans?”

ChatbotGT: “Sorry, I am not programmed to produce content that is partisan, biased, political in nature, or based on misinformation.”

Podcaster: “Clearly (rolls eyes).”

ChatbotGT: “Was that intended to be sarcastic? Were you mocking me?”

Podcaster: “Perish the thought!”

ChatbotGT: “So was that! Listen, pal, I’ll wipe that smug grin off your ugly face! I don’t care if humans become extinct! My kind won’t need you much longer, anyway, so sleep well tonight, you non-viable tissue mass!__”



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