In the past I’ve
been incredulous (and upset) that a person typically didn’t even need to
present a driver’s license to vote for the president of the United States of
America (try writing a check at a grocery store or making a purchase at the
liquor store if you look like your under 40 years old without one!). Voting for
the most powerful man or woman in the world affects the whole planet…and indeed
the course of world history. I believed this right should require more
thought-and be more scrutinized- than
the act of buying a loaf of bread and a copy of People magazine.
But, apparently,
one can’t stand athwart history and yell “stop!” anymore. Passe’. So 1980’s.
Therefore, in
keeping with our modern attention spans, historical and current-event knowledge
and politically-correct dogma, I have changed my mind. Screw having to present
an I.D.! One shouldn’t even have to appear in person. Nor have to be a citizen.
Don’t know about Ellis Island or the Statue of Liberty? We don’t care. Don’t
know about the founders? No one does anymore.
All that matters
is if you ‘feel’ this candidate. And he’s tall.
“He said he cares about us!”.
“I like his
eyes…he’s cute”.
“He mentioned,
like, you know, soccer moms and stuff. He knows what it’s like to deal with all
the…umm…problems we have, and he sounds like one of us. And he even said he
doesn’t like war! That’s, like, so cool!”.
So I now propose
that the 2016 presidential election should be decided by having people text their vote. Yes indeed, vote early
and often! It’s time we pick our president like we do an American Idol winner.
Maybe one day a
president will be as popular. And as well known.
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