Friday, July 11, 2014

Ad... Nauseum: A Football Broadcast Five Years Hence

Announcer:   “Welcome to the Geisha Brands (Mandarin) Orange Bowl 2019!   Anyway you slice it, it’s one of the most prestigious bowls there is…and good for you, too…ha, ha, ha. Keith?”

     “That’s right Bob, and thanks. Now it’s time for the No Doze kick-off. Morning , noon, or night, you’ll get a ‘kick’ out of No-Doze. Well, Nebraska receives the ball on their own twenty yard line ready to begin the Milovitz and Associates first possession of the game. Remember, at Milovitz possession is ninety percent of the law.

     “First down… and Frazier hands off to his tail-back… and it’s an end -around good for seven yards. End-arounds during today’s game are brought to you by Hanes. Let us get our Hanes on you and we’ll turn your end around.

     “Second down and three yards to go now…Frazier goes to the air and we have our first American Airlines passing play! When you take to the air, fly American.

     “That pass was incomplete, which brings up a third and three now for the Cornhuskers. Frazier takes the snap and…the ball comes loose, it’s on the turf and…when it’s time to tend to your turf, Snapper lawn products make the cut. Snapper, a kick in the grass!

     “Nebraska recovers their own fumble…speaking of recovering, if you're drinking too much, call Al Anon and you could be on your way to recovery.

     “Well, fourth down now and eight to go for the ‘Huskers. And when you need something you ate to go, reach for Ex-Lax, America’s laxative!

    “ Nebraska will punt here…the kick’s on its way, and what hang time! Smith calls for a fair catch, and…hey, if you’re experiencing a catch…in your back, neck, or wherever…give the fine folks at Feldstein Chiropractic a call… you’ll be glad you did. That’s Feldstein Chiropractic…(612)-555-5554.

     “Less than 12 minutes to go now in the first quarter…say, if you’ve got less than twelve minutes to go, grab a phone and call Miller-Wesson Funeral Homes, they’ll bury your fears, and your wallet.

     “I see we’re due for a commercial break shortly…and speaking of commercials, if your company needs an ad agency, remember Fallon-McElliot…’we got ads with ‘tudes!’ “

     “Stay tuned for more of the Geisha Brands (Mandarin) Orange Bowl 2019, after this word from our sponsors…”

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