September 22, 2017
Hillary Clinton: “I welcome you all here this morning, to my hometown. I invited you here to clarify a few things regarding the 2016 presidential election. There has been a lot of speculation about why I supposedly “lost” that election. Well, I did not lose that election…I actually won the popular vote! So, suck it Trump! Suck it Bernie! Anyway, I don’t want to get off track or appear bitter, or anything. People say I’ve blamed this and that for my supposed “loss,” when in fact I feel I’ve been the most abused and misunderstood, yet magnanimous non-winner in election history! While it is simply a statement of fact that, to cite a few examples, Macedonian content farms, Matt Lauer, sexism, pantsuits, and gluten-free diets are all partially to blame for my defeat, I come before you today, clearheaded, to tie everything together and lay the blame squarely at the feet of…the English language. (A few small gasps are heard, chuckles suppressed, and many baffled glances exchanged).
“It is clear, my friends, that I have been the victim of a vast English-language conspiracy. Yes, language itself has discriminated against me. For instance, Trump’s Tweets, in which he employed something similar to the English language, constantly debased me. The mainstream media utilized language to convince people that I was such a prohibitive favorite that many didn’t bother to go to the polls.
“Wikileaks released many of my own emails in which I myself, and/or my aides, stated, in clear English, that I despised Americans in flyover country, and professed to have no clue whatsoever about all things computer-related.
“Of course, there was also the fact that I used the term “basket of deplorables” to describe my opponents voting base.
“Bernie the Marxist did me no favors, either, when he coined the term, “Crooked Hillary.”
“Even my new book title, “What Happened?” has been criticized as being something a four-year-old might say…”Wha’ happen’?”
“In light of all this, I think it’s fair to say that no reasonable person could blame me for losing the 2016 presidential election.
“Realistically, I had no chance. I was waylaid by words.”
There is as of yet no word on if and when the league plans to play the “Yellow,” “Brown,” or “Red” National Anthems. Nor has the NFL announced plans to play “National Anthems” of atheists, pangenders, Catholics, bisexual mulatto transvestites, or of middle-class agnostics who were born on Tuesday afternoons during the month of May. These oversights, too, must be redressed if the nation is to finally live up to its erstwhile promise. Right?
A question for you, though, one I haven’t seen elsewhere. What would happen if I, or any players, took a knee during the Black National Anthem? Would I/we be considered principled and courageous, or would we be excommunicated from the Church of Woke, shunned and vilified? Or worse? Why?
Land of the free? Home of the brave?
April 3rd, 2018
Whether at five or ten, it's glistening once again
Because of all the effing snow
But the damndest sight to see is the folly that will be
When it snows once more
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Someone that won’t balk at blowing the walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for summer to start again
Everywhere you go,
We’re stuck in this living Hell, it’s cold before dark as well
It won’t be long until all our minds will blow
Perhaps your car won’t start
And the thing that makes us scream is that this is not a dream
Though spring’s in our hearts
Though Easter we have passed
And the scariest sights to see are the icicles on the trees
Is it an ice age at last?
Bill Clinton's Promise To The Congress, Court and People Of The United States:
I will not philander anymore
I will not do it in a store
I will not do it in a boat
I will not do it with a goat
I will not spoo on Al Gore's coat
I will not do it before noon
I will not do it in the month of June
I will not do it on the moon
I will not do it anytime soon
I will not do it with a lamb
I will not do it smeared with jam
I will not do it with you ma'am
I will not do it...Bill I am!
Nature Versus Nurture
Put a baby male yak in a dress, permanently subject a rooster to sensitivity training, and make a lion watch Oprah for a year...and what would we expect to see in terms of behavioral changes? Do "experts" believe that they would all, at some point, roll over on their backs, become moody, wonder if they're fat, and vote for Democrats?
Bill: "Liar, liar, pants on fire."
Hillary: "Liar, liar, pantsuits on fire."
The only time liberals don’t like government intervention in our lives (think taxes, massive forced income redistribution, abortion ‘rights’, smoking bans, etc.) is that rare time when it appears government may be about to intervene in governments ability to intervene in our lives.
A Government of the Judiciary, by the Judiciary, for the Judiciary
Top Ten Things Heard In A Northwest Airlines Cockpit
10) "We're at 25,000 feet, Al, but I'm even higher!"
9) "Crap, I've spilled my Mai-Tai on the autopilot controls again!"
8) "That damn stewardess charged us full price again this round, Bob!"
7) "Hey, we're running low on pull tabs up here..."
6) "You take it, Ed, I've gotta go throw another leak."
5) "Look, there's a moon over my Manhattan!"
4) "Do we get 3.2 or strong up here?"
3) "Dammit, she knows I get three olives in my martini!"
2) "Who put their cigarette out in my Budweiser?"
And the number one thing heard in a Northwest Airlines cockpit...
1) "Why don't they have sick bags hanging over us?!"
Republicans want to call ketchup a vegetable? Why, they want to diminish your child's school lunch program! Demonic bastards! Don't they know it's a fruit?
Well, Alec Baldwin says he wants to stone Henry Hyde and KILL his kids. Maybe all Republican kids? This doesn't make the news. Period. Anywhere, anytime, except when treated as a humorous lark. What if he- or anyone else- had stated that he wanted to stone Bill Clinton and KILL his kid? Might be part of the news cycle, I'm guessing. Oh well, it's not important. Simply killing innocent children can't compare to putting ketchup into the vegetable family. Yes, that Republicans were considering categorizing ketchup as a vegetable in school lunches received hundreds of hours of air time on commercial and cable newscasts.
Who are the vegetables? The blood- red stain that is spurting from the heart of this country, growing ever larger, is not the result of a squashed tomato. It is the result of the liberal assasins bullet. It is the protection of the common man, the rule of law and freedom itself that lies dying. And above all, Natural Law.
Miss Liberty's torch is turned down low. She sinks slowly into the mire, and slouches toward...Gomorrah.
You see, killing children (the Democratic Party is the only non-communist/totalitarian party in the history of the world to state that one cannot be a legitimate delegate if one disagrees with infantacide) is a simple matter of choice. Our choice, of course. Convenience for the living. We made an earlier choice, but that choice was really just a silly mistake. I mean we all have our urges. Why should we have to suffer the consequences of those urges when we can just snuff out the result of those urges. All done! I'm 'soooo big' now. 'Sooo big'. All done.
You go girls! Get 'em sisters! That radical, religious right is responsible for making us tolerant, open-minded people want to kill them!
And Hollywood cheers.
Nov. 6, 2005...Reuters News Service
Faced with 12 consecutive nights of looting in many of her cities, with cars on fire and anti-government chants in the air by dis-enfranchised young muslims, the government of France today announced its "total, unconditional and unequivocal surrender."
December 18, 2010
(Headline of article in CNS News...December 1, 2011)-
February 6th, 2003-
So it was the space shuttle Columbia's left wing that was damaged and caused the break-up of the ship...and the tragic deaths of her crew...including the first Israeli astronaut. The debris field was centered around the town of Palestine, Texas. George Bush's home state, where Dick Cheney was at the time. Simple facts all, but so outlandish, they give one pause...
- November 17, 2000
President Clinton's approval ratings topped 100% for the first time Tuesday according to a new CNN poll conducted by the public-service group "Accuracy in Media." Many pundits and pollsters thought his approval ratings couldn't go any higher after his breathtaking rise in the polls following the health-care fiasco, Vincent Foster's unexplained death, Ron Brown's expiration in unusual circumstances, Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Chinagate, and his numerous alleged affairs with, among others, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Dolly Kyle Browning, Monica Lewinsky and "Jane Doe #5."
Indeed, even many close to the president thought that after the perjury and obstruction of justice charges, as well as alleged witness-tampering (as regards Betty Currie), the president's ratings would stabilize or plateau. Instead, he was actually impeached...and his approval ratings soared anew. Again, 'conventional wisdom' said that this was as high as Mr. Clinton could go.
But of course, this was before the most recent allegations of on-going affairs with several White House maids, a cook, the Ambassadors from New Guinea and Madagascar, and five members of the United States women's Olympic synchronized-swimming team.
I might CONSIDER listening to these Hollywood ‘stars’, these millionaires (‘life’s lottery winners’) if they gave up their mansions, their (gas-guzzling) limos, boats, planes, etc. and their money that are the DIRECT result of the American capitalist system.
Liberals, as embodied by Hollywood and artsy types, etc., love-indeed live- to ‘push the envelope.’ The more disturbing, the kinkier, the more violent and off-the-wall, the more offensive, outlandish…the better. They themselves admit and adhere to this notion. We’re just trying to make people think. You should be as tolerant, sophisticated and open-minded to everything as we are. There shouldn’t be a right and wrong. (In their perfect world, nothing could shock and offend a truly enlightened person…and consequently they might be out of a job).