According
to a report in Townhall, “Today, Israeli forces dealt another blow to the
Iranian leadership, hitting yet another meeting of high-ranking Iranian
officials. The Iranian
Supreme Council was gathered to appoint a new Supreme
Leader, after losing at least two — including the long-reigning Ayatollah
Khamenei — in strikes over the weekend.”
This
"Assembly of Experts," some 88 members strong, was in the building
when it was leveled by Israeli airstrikes.
The
“Assembly of Experts” is now a bunch of disassembled ex-experts.
How
could this possibly happen for the second time in days? To a group of
“experts,” yet. Maybe they should change the name to the “Assembly of Morons.”
Have they not heard of a “Zoom call,” even after the COVID-19 lockdowns?
Alternatively, I’ve heard good things about Microsoft Teams. How about Webex?
Livestorm? Demio? Clickmeeting? Hell, even a conference call might have
sufficed in this situation.
Did
the AOE think Israeli intelligence just got lucky the first time, lo those many
hours ago? I mean, the Mossad kind of has a history with Iranian “experts.” Were
those in the Assembly outfitted with Israeli pagers, as well?
If
all 88 were sent to Paradise simultaneously as appears likely, a staggering
6,336 virgins will be needed to tend to them. Is there an unlimited supply
there? Are they on call? (If so, I hope they aren’t wearing Israeli pagers.)
Ayatollah
Ali Khamenei ruled for more than 36 years, but now he and his immediate
successor have been taken out in closer to 36 hours. Apparently, the
Assembly of Experts 2.0—or perhaps 3.0—did manage to appoint Mojtaba Khamenei,
the son of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, as Iran’s
new Supreme Leader. I’m sure he is delighted. Mojtaba was selected
despite the fact that he is not a high-ranking cleric, has never held office
and did not have an official role in the regime. Moreover, father-to-son
succession is frowned upon in Iran’s Shiite Muslim clerical
establishment. Or at least it used to be. The next Supreme Leader—who
could be chosen in a day or two at this rate—might be Ali Khamenei’s second
cousin, once removed…or maybe his food taster.
If
there are any more Iranian “experts” left, will they soon be assembling under
one roof yet again? These guys wasted copious quantities of munitions in
attacking their Muslim neighbors, apparently in the belief that this would somehow
endear them to their cause, so I wouldn’t rule it out.
Despite
the obvious allure of 72 virgins in Paradise, I have to believe attendance at
these august gatherings would be more problematic going forward, even for these
morons experts.
“Hey,
Ahmad, let’s get everyone together so we can choose our next Supreme Leader.
Would you contact all the boys and tell them to meet us at 8 PM tomorrow at the
Golestan Palace…if it is still standing?”
“Yes,
of course Zahir. However, I deeply regret to tell you that I myself will be
unable to attend this next glorious meeting of the Assembly of Experts, honored
though I am. My nephew is in my care this week, and he has a bad cold and I
must look after him as Yasmin is away visiting her mother.”
The
net will have to be cast ever wider to assemble the next Supreme Council, or
“Assembly of Experts.” And the burning question is: how long until they, too,
assume room temperature courtesy of the IDF?
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